Taste for Religion by Peter Pentland turns the tale of a cranky old Englishman and his pet badger into a fast-moving comic bush yarn.
Set around Ben Thompson’s old country house, the poem follows a procession of religious visitors who discover that the badger beneath the floorboards has a taste all his own.
Taste for Religion
By Peter Pentland
A cranky old coot was Ben Thompson
it seems that most Englishmen are
now the best side of Ben was pretty bad
His pet badger was worser by far
it was a growly boar badger brought with
him when he came to Australia to live
and he kept him down under the floorboards
It was the coolest place he could give
Well he’d live down there on scraps and things
and rats he liked more than a smidgen
Though I’m not sure how it came to pass
but it seems he developed this taste for religion
see the Salvo band came marching past
singing that pie in the sky
perhaps there were words contained in the song
that made badger so hard at them fly
They soon stop their singing and playing
They don’t march down that street anymore
Nor did they march down no other a while
since their calves and their bums were so sore
Aye there’s many a poor scarred old Salvo
What wakes up howling at night
and is sure that it was the devil
that gave his bum such a terrible bite
Well then sky pilot soon held this big
contest to see if it could save old Ben’s soul
And many a wager was settled
by the badger what lived down the hole
One incident concerns Father Murphy
Who thought he’d call in on old Ben one fine day
The badger was out like a whirlwind
The poor priest soon hastened away
Ah to be sure it was some pagan monster
The old priest would often recall
That tried to eat me that day at Ben Thompson’s
It being a Friday and all and all and all
One day two pimply faced Mormons dressed
in their drabbest brown suits
Dropped in on Old Ben to have a wee chat
And to show him where sin has its roots
Old Ben politely invited them in
Even gave them some tea and some cakes
Then he softly calls “Dinnertime Badger”
And badger his entrance he makes.
“Nice dog you got there” said one victim
When he saw a badger slathering his chops
Then he suddenly let out this yell and a scream
And round the room he hastily hops
Those Mormons were frantic to leave Ben alone
But the old bugger it locked the front door
They finally escaped through this hole in the wall
Where I’m sure there was no hole before
But like all great heroes the old badger died
He was buried deep down in a ditch
It seems that he once bit Cardinal Pell
And died because the food was too rich
Nowadays old Ben leads a very quiet life
Missionaries steer clear of his region
Because it seems that now his house is protected
By a ghost with a taste for religion.
Keeping The Verse Alive
Taste for Religion is shared with permission from Peter Pentland through Keeping The Verse Alive, Country Campfire’s bush poetry preservation project.
By preserving poems like this, we’re helping ensure the stories, humour and characters of country Australia continue to be enjoyed for generations to come.
Peter Pentland
Bush Poet • Folk Performer • Storyteller • Comedian • Broadcaster
Peter Pentland, known on stage as Hayseed, performs traditional-style songs and bush poetry rooted in farm and bush life across South-Eastern Australia. His long career has taken him through folk festivals, stand-up comedy, radio and television, while his stories and recordings keep rural Australian characters and humour alive.
Poems, recitals, photographs, stories and original works remain the property of their original creator and are shared by Country Campfire with permission.
