Hippy Potion by Bob Pacey is a cheeky bush yarn about a costly Brahman bull and the farmer desperate to get his money’s worth.
When the vet cannot help, a visitor camped down by the creek offers a bottle of herbal potion. The farmer tests it on the farmyard cat before deciding whether the bull should get a dose.
Hippy Potion
By Bob Pacey
Now I have to tell you fellas
About the Brahman bull I brought
A big loose pizzled type of bull
Yeah mate you know the sort.
I paid 50000 quid for him
Near broke me bank it did
But you must improve your bloodlines
If your gonna make a quid.
So I put him in the paddock
Just to see what he could do
But he showed not a stitch of interest
I thought what’s a man to do.
So I calls the local vet up
Could he come out straight away
But he was busy doing surgery
So he’d make the trip next day.
Well he came and checked the bull
Then he stopped and scratched his head
All his tests had come up negative
Well I balked at what he said.
I swore ” What do you bloody mean “?
The bull chewed on its cud
” Have I paid Fifty thousand quid mate
For a bull that is a dud.
Then he suggested that I lock him up
To try and make his ardour rise
Three days I locked him in the shed
But I still got no surprise.
Then in sheer frustrating desperation
Cause things were really looking bleak
I sort assistance from this hippie bloke
Who camped down by the creek.
Now don’t you folks misunderstand me
I’m not into drugs and such
But I panicked and was terrified
Cause the bull had cost so much.
Well he drove up in his panel van
Flowers painted ever where
He had a brass ring through his nose
And dreadlocks in his hair.
He was dressed in loose pink swirling robes
With a sash around his thigh
And the smoke that drifted from the van
Near sent all me kelpies high.
But he seemed a simple sort of bloke
Not boastful brash or slick
And in a cultured voice he asked me
” Now where is this bull that’s sick “?
He wandered all around the bull
Flicking scented water from a pail
I nearly had a fit mate
When he stuck a flower in its tail.
” Perhaps he needs a little help
To get his sex drive back
I’ll just make up a little bit
Of herbal aphrodisiac.
I took the bottle from him
I really don’t know why I did
It might have only held 3 mlls
But he charged four hundred quid.
The bright and coloured combi
Left with a bouncy swaying motion
While I stood and gazed in disbelieve
Did I really buy this bloody potion.
But I was not game to dose the bull
In case it made him sick
Still I had to test the potion out
To see if it would do the trick.
Then I got this great idea
I’d first try it on the farmyard cat
To make sure it was safe to use
I’d dose the bull then after that.
So I gave the cat just half a ml
But it sat with a vacant stare
Then all at once its eyes flashed bright
and it sprang into the air
There was terror in the farmyard
And with a hip thrusting frenzied dance
Our poor old aged kelpie bitch
It never stood a bloody chance.
Our little shetland pony
Tried to shake it off its back
Then it tried to mount the wallaby
Penned in the yard out back.
It flew straight into the cook pen
Feathers every where did soar
I watched that sex crazed kitten
But I won’t eat eggs no more.
For half and hour it kept it up
A look of lust glowed in its eye
Then it made a bee line straight for me
And it latched onto my thigh.
I had to put the bastard down
There was no other way to stop it
But I swear it was still thrusting
As I threw it in the pit.
Well that was good enough for me
We put the bull into the yard
Then herded all the cows in
And latched the gate up hard.
I dosed the bull with just one ml
To see what it would arouse
The change was instantaneous
As he tore into the cows.
Two hundred flaming head mate
Bolted round the yard in fear
I stood and watched his antics
With a grin from ear to ear.
At church on Sunday morning
I met up with old Billy Knight
He knew the problem that I had
And how I’d tried to solve my plight.
That potion worked a treat I said
That bull is just so grand
I’ll soon be charging heaps of dough
At stud for him to stand.
That hippie blokes fantastic
I reckon he was heaven sent
Four hundred bucks for just 3 mill
But worth ever flaming cent.
What was in the potion
Jack enquired in disbelief
What mix of herbal remedies
Could provide such great relief.
I said “I don’t know what the mixture was
he would not even give the slightest hint
but Jack I said the strange thing is
it tastes a bit like
PEPPERMINT !.
Keeping The Verse Alive
Hippy Potion is shared with permission from Bob Pacey through Keeping The Verse Alive, Country Campfire’s bush poetry preservation project.
By preserving poems like this, we’re helping ensure the stories, humour and characters of country Australia continue to be enjoyed for generations to come.
Bob Pacey
Bush Poet • Performer • Storyteller
One of Queensland’s best-known bush poets, Bob Pacey has entertained audiences across Australia with humour, storytelling and more than 120 poems committed to memory.
Poems, recitals, photographs, stories and original works remain the property of their original creator and are shared by Country Campfire with permission.
