Ruffer’s Guts by Peter Pentland is a darkly comic bush yarn about three swaggering troublemakers who pick the wrong granny on a St Kilda street.
Set along Fitzroy Street, the poem turns rough bravado on its head as an apparently easy target proves far tougher — and funnier — than the blokes expect.
Ruffer’s Guts
By Peter Pentland
Me mates all call me Ruffers and I work down at the pit
And working there it gets so dry that chips I just can’t spit
So I goes down to the rubberdy and beers I drinks quite free
Then we goes out granny bashing, just Davo, Frank and me.
We walk along Fitzroy Street, St Kilda’s just the place
where you can find a granny and jab her in the face
you can kick her in the ribs feel your boots shattering her bones
by gees we’d piss ourselves laughing as we listened to the moans
But that other night that dreadful night that I remember clear
We saw this certain granny with a smile what was oh so dear
And I reckon to me mates “Boys we’re gonna have some fun.”
So we all picks up our cricket bats and after her we runs.
Now Davo thought he’d have a go and show us all away
But the old girl she let out this yell that haunts me to this day
And Davos sort of crumples and falls down on his back
While me and Frank we shook our heads and said, “Shit Dave, how slack!”
Then Frankie steps up to her and winds up a right hook
But the old girl, she just steps aside of the ensuing windy-woof
And while Frank was gyrating and spinning all around
She clocked him with her brolly and Frank fell to the ground
So come all my fellow rednecks and this warning take by me
When you go out granny bashing just watch out who you see
And steer clear of that dear old girl or you’ll end up just like I
Walking kinda funny with a voice two octaves high.
Keeping The Verse Alive
Ruffer’s Guts is shared with permission from Peter Pentland through Keeping The Verse Alive, Country Campfire’s bush poetry preservation project.
By preserving poems like this, we’re helping ensure the stories, humour and characters of country Australia continue to be enjoyed for generations to come.
Peter Pentland
Bush Poet • Folk Performer • Storyteller • Comedian • Broadcaster
Peter Pentland, known on stage as Hayseed, performs traditional-style songs and bush poetry rooted in farm and bush life across South-Eastern Australia. His long career has taken him through folk festivals, stand-up comedy, radio and television, while his stories and recordings keep rural Australian characters and humour alive.
Poems, recitals, photographs, stories and original works remain the property of their original creator and are shared by Country Campfire with permission.
